Sometimes my anxiety gets really bad. Some nights are harder than others.
I’ve never really been a positive, uplifting person, but I’ve also never really been a Negative Nancy either. I’m somewhere in between…and that’s what’s scary. Sure, balance is important, but I’d much rather be on the good side of life. Wouldn’t you?
Last night I hit a breaking point. So, this morning, I made coffee and pulled out one of my favorite books: tiny beautiful things. Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed. I needed a little bit of help, something to give me a push while I work on helping myself. She gives advice on being a writer and how you just need to write, dammit, because you’re a writer! She talks about love and relationships and how it’s tough sometimes, to know what you deserve and how to walk away from someone even if you love them.
It’s amazing how many times you can read something and still have it resonate. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing, but here we are.
Anyway - last night was a bad one for my anxiety and this morning I decided to feel differently about things.
So if you’re in the same boat as me–feeling unworthy of love and of a great career, listening to a sad playlist with Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well” and Gregory Alan Isakov’s “If I Go, I’m Goin’” queued up one too many times, listen up.
Stop the self-pitying. Pick yourself back up and remind yourself of the boss ass bitch you are. Take your bad feelings and turn it into something good. Have a broken heart? Write a few poems and think about how excited you’ll be when the birthdate of your book comes around. (This is me hoping for the future when I have a published book.) Feeling lost in your career? Take time to do the things you enjoy (watching Netflix, baking, yoga, etc.) and dive into what you’re passionate about, but think about it from a career standpoint, and see how it could work for you. Have patience – you will get back on your feet at some point.
Acceptance is a quiet room. Find yourself in it.